my youth

walking in Harvard yard, it's spring time you can see here. It's a small bush of white magnolias, such a lightly sweet and elegant scent. I wish I can live through my senses, outside of my mind, to be free from my internal world... what would it be like? what is it like for people who really knows how to take pleasure in the little things, every day?

I'm too young to be old, too young to be so worn out, by fighting and standing up on my own. But I feel too old to feel that sense of magic from the narnia woods, with a lamppost hidden in the midst of the white branches, on the front lawn of that big house I'd pass by, every day after school, high school in Houston.

Houston suburbs, great Southern houses I could never afford to live in, had one beautiful thing: so much beautiful flowers in the summer time, so many leaves in all shades of green.

My life has been filled with memories of walking home alone, walking to school alone, from elementary school to high school. All those years, I lived inside my head, walked by myself, stared down at the ground, counted my steps, noted the pretty plants. This is what I know best, what's comforting to me---to stay alone and enjoy the world myself.