Dream consciousness

As I've been staying up all night playing the Sims and sleeping into the afternoon, in the two days since my cousin Fang Fang left Shanghai, I keep having long, realistic dreams about people from all different parts of my life. So much that, when my cousin A Yu called, I groggily answered the phone with an English "hello" instead of a Chinese "wei", because my mind was floating in the English world.

I dreamt about Warren. That hardly happens nowadays, I never think about him when I'm awake, but I guess 2 and 1/2 years would etch a lot of memory pathways into your brain that resurfaces randomly at night. In the dream, I felt really distant from him, (which is a good thing), and simultaneously full of pity (which I'm not sure if I want). There's no longer hate, disgust, sorrow, anything that indicates that I care, but the dream was still filled with this sad pity for him, who was, well, i can't deny, hurt really badly. It's definitely limited though; I believe really firmly that SYMPATHY has been the downfall of women for thousands of years. Women like to feel sorry for men, feel pity, see the potential for change in men that actively hurt them, and they forget about themselves. It's self-sacrifice, and I hate it. It's why women stupidly let themselves be screwed over time and time again. This is utterly un-Christian of me :)